Goodness.

I was going to whip out my 21 before 21 entry and cross a bunch of stuff off . . . but now I can't figure out how!! I can only find the bold and italics buttons. Silly blogger.


Another time. Just got home from work and I am EXHAUSTED! I did run ten miles before work (my first long run for a marathon in May :D) so that might be contributing. A small it. Or maybe I just need a rockstar.


I might go to Portugal in May, actually. With my sister, Catia. I really, really, REALLY, REALLY hope so. Trying to figure it out . . .


Gosh, I just love my life so much right now! God has blessed me in more ways than I could ever possibly count, and I can't think of anything that could possibly make me happier.


Except a little more sleep, but that's my own fault. And I don't regret it! So there!


I really want to have an IDP in the mall (ipod dance party). It's where you get some friends, sync playlists on your ipods, and rock out with the headphones in. Unfortunately, the only friend who's willing to participate is on vacation >:(. Our schedules just kept not working out.


Bonfire for new years this Saturday! It'll be awesome!

Sneaky Surreptitious Slimy Slitherers

Last night I finally went to sleep at 5:57 a.m. ish. I had to work at 8. I had a surreal sense of energy throughout the day . . . Not it's almost 6 in the evening and I feel like crashing. BUT, all though work I felt like electricity was coursing through my veins. Strange. I practiced pirouettes across the line and made some amazing progress with getting to know my customers on a more personal level. Makes me want to never sleep again.

Except for right now. Nighty.

Peanuts and Paydays

Colbie Callait is set to repeat on my youtube station at the moment. She makes me feel all funny inside. As I will explain below.

So you all should probably excuse everything I say today as PMS, but two days ago I was playing "Imagine Iff" with some work friends at my apartment and they dubbed me as "the one most likely to kiss a frog if I thought it'd turn into a prince." I was secretly miffed about that sort-of label as Katie continued to tell me how I was a dreamer and still believe in love and fantasies, despite everything that had happened in the past year with David.

The more I think about it, the more . . . just . . . ugh. It makes me feel. I mean, I guess we all would say we're looking for the one "real" thing, the relationship that makes us oh-so selfless, has our hair standing on end, makes you excited to wake up and changes the way you view the world, but does that even exist? My doubt is what made me settle with David in the first place, my logic that "love" was just something we made for ourselves. And yes, I do still think that's true--we grow into love, not fall into it.

But at the same time, I want so much to fall in love. To be hopelessly smitten, to want to die than be without the person. Maybe I'm just a loner naturally, but I've never felt that way before. I feel affectionate about people, yes. There's people I feel so close to that often when I see them I want to kneel right at that moment and thank God for the blessing they are in my life, but it's not the same "love" that we all really want.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll never be satified with a partner because I'm looking for that "perfect" person. I'm looking for a disney story like Tangled, and that just doesn't exist. But then part of me also thinks "why the heck not?" I mean, I'm sure that if my mom had wanted my dad to propose to her in a boat with millions of lanterns surrounding them, he'd have tried his darndest to make that happen. At least I think so. I want someone to love me so much that they're willing to do that for me, and when that happens, I want to be able to look in their eyes and feel so much SOMETHING that it overpowers the awkwardness of the situation.

Haha.

I guess I just feel a little lethargically sad right now. It's a panicky day. One of those days when everything that's happened in the past year comes rushing back in a messy little mush and makes me feel so overwhelmed.

Ah, well. It's something to think about.

Also, I've decided to start a fake band.

Woot.

Popcorn

Today, at Zupas, someone told me I had a great smile.

Thank you, random fellow, you made my day!

Can't blog for long, I think I'm going to be coerced into making carmeled popcorn any time now . . . That's a regular occurrence at this house!

Man, I just drank so much water my stomach hurts.

Did you know that excessive thirst is a sign of diabetes? Makes me nervous. Fortunately my family does not have a history of diabetes so I'm probably safe. Just a hypochondriac. I should go get tested to put my mind at ease, but in order to do that I'd have to admit to my hypochondria and I have too much pride for that.

Give it a few more months.

So . . .

I've decided I need to start regularly running again. Sigh. So I've got a goal of four miles before work for this week. Don't worry--I'll build again. But that's an easy target I know I can reach. I do get up every morning to exercise Payden now so I'm hoping it won't be that hard of a transition . . . I just really liked the feeling of being able to out-do anyone with my endurance! Gotta get it back!

I really wish I could go to work an hour later every day. It'd make things so much easier! Oh, well. I love my job anyway.

So . . . We are done!

Have a hysterically fantastic day!

Return

Heavens to freaking betsy.

It's about time I restarted this whole blog-adventure thing. On a very positive note, of course. My last gazillion entries were so dreadfully depressing (we can blame that on David though).

So! What to talk about!

Pretty much my life is back to the normalosity that was was last year, except for my itsy toy poodle (Payden). He is currently teaching me to consistantly wake up at five again and go running. If I fail, he progressively destroys anything and everything I own. On the flip side, if I do manage to drag myself into the cold morning air, he pretty much sleeps the rest of the morning and afternoon until I get back from work and is sooo loving and cuddly at that point.

I exaggerate--he really is a very well behaving, adorable creature. And knows a few tricks. Come over and I'll show you! Plus toy poodles are the cutest things out there as long as you don't shave them. And smartest. And Payden's only 8 months and still has that crazy puppy energy goin' for him.

SO!

Facts and figures for the year . . .

I did have a picnic with a legit picnic basket (courtesy of MATT LAYTON).

I learned that cutting a dog's hair myself is not worth the money saved from not taking him to a pet salon.

$1650 buys a lot of food. Cater with Zupas!!! WOOHOO!

Avocado is still not tasty. Honey mustard I have repented of hating.

Cream-based soups still make me sick and dog food still smells like dog poop.

Also "denta-sticks," which are meant to clean a dog's teeth/mouth, smell even more like feces. What's with that??

Church still makes me sleepy (sorry, can't be perfect!) and reading still makes me hungry. Weird, I know.

So I'm on this weird elimination diet for my allergies. Basically I can't eat anything (we'll leave it at that), which means I never cook anymore. Which means my basement kitchen here is NEVER used. Apparently this is not good.

That space is clean, due to my OCDness and the lack of use, but except for an occasional wipe-down, it doesn't get touched. So yesterday I tried to get a glass of water from that sink and guess what!

A spider web was actually blocked the water from going down the drain!

That is also an exteme exaggeration, but let me continue . . .

It was pretty cool. The web was thick and well enough weaved that it really was slowing the water a bit and I couldn't break the strands by dumping glassfuls on it. Eventually I wiped it away with my hand, and this ginormous spider came sneaking out! I did just wash him down the drain though, and then turn on the disposal.

I'm cruel, I know. If it would have been a beetle . . . (refer to entry entitled "entomology rescue").

Anyway . . . This computer is giving me a headache. I really hate having crappy eyes!

Phooey.

Life . . .

Is life, I suppose.

Although that doesn't help the statement make any more sense.

I need a piano. Or an outdoor track. Or someone named Sue who's close to my age and not in dental school, hence having a free schedule.

What I really need is to learn to be happy with my life the way it is.

Her name doesn't have to be Sue.

Bleck. That's the only word I have for how I have been feeling the past few days.

I just remembered that list of 21 before 21 on here . . . I need to look that up and knock a few of those out. Otherwise I will be a loser come my 21st birthday. Again.

Tomorrow is my birthday. It sucks.

My life kinda sucks right now though so I guess that's to be expected.

Peace.

Almost midnight . . .

I really should not be writing in my blog this late. It's dangerous.

Half an hour ago I was so awfully hot in my apartment and now I have goosebumps. Gosh. My body is exemplifying my apparent fascination for never being satisfied.

I'm beginning to realize that people tend to read a lot more into things I say (or write in the case of this blog) than I intend. Either I'm exceptionally more spiteful or more naive than I think I am. I can't really decide which.

ACTUALLY, I think I just have an odd sense of humor . . . I remember when David first spoke to me he commented on my sarcastic . . . ness. This is how our first facebook conversation went:

David: I got your message.
Me: No way! Really?
David: Ah. Sarcasm. I love it.

That's pretty much word for word.

Anyway. I wasn't angry in my last blog entry, but one of the comments made it seem like I came off that way . . . Let me clarify.

Yes, truthfulness is relative.

I am not feeling remorse. I was attempting to use satire as a way to make readers laugh. I am holding absolutely no anger. I don't think I need to forgive anyone because . . . Um, I was never mad? Or, ah, felt they did anything wrong? I can't forgive nothing. In case you're going to say "yes, you can!" I will respond . . . OKAY! I FORGIVE YOU!

Sure . . . To continue:

The chocolate I wanted had absolutely no relation to all the jazz about truthfulness. I just wanted chocolate. Not as a way to stifle sadness or anger, it was simply a detached thought.

I WISH people wouldn't leave anonymous comments! Because I don't know if it's just the same readers coming back or what! I might start deleting nameless comments!!

Grr.

Naw. that's an empty threat. I like comments too much. Even if they don't make sense and needed to be proofread.

That was a joke.

I'm sure there must be something in the scriptures about saying stuff plainly. But that's beside the point. As my mama said, that's what my dad's culture is like--bluntly honest. Is it right? Ah, not really. Guess it depends on who you ask. is culture a good excuse for ANYTHING? No way, Jose.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Just wanted to reiterate. Some people will understand the joke to which I'm alluding to and laugh. Some people will understand and be vividly offended. Which you are says a lot about what kind of character you've built up!

Some people won't understand. Period. What does that say about you? I won't even touch that.

That was another joke. Don't be offended.

I think some people should stop reading this blog. It tends to make them angry which kills brain cells and makes them stupider. If you keep reading, by the time you're 47 and 1/2 your head will be completely hollow.

JOKE.

I have no hard feelings.

If the person who left that comment is actually some stranger from Indiana, I apologize. Email me your address and I'll send you a gift basket.

No I won't.

Ahem, to continue . . .

As our good friend whose name starts with a "D" always says . . . NOBODY IN THIS GENERATION CARES ABOUT PRIVACY! That's why you have a facebook account. Because you secretly want people up in your grill.

Hey, I use FB too.

My last entry wasn't directed at anyone. It was about the world in general.

I'd protect my family to the death. Gr.

Hey, cool thing! My sister (Catia) is taking fencing lessons. Isn't that totally hardcore?

Maybe that's not the right word . . . but cool, huh?

Um, so anyway, to conclude . . .

Well. I should sleep. Gosh, it's cold! I have this weird thing where none of my body can be hanging off the bed and feel the air . . . I freak out. I have to be all bundled up. When I was a kid, I believed something evil and invisible lurked in my room, but it could only have power over me to EAT ME when the lights were off.

Kidding, just kill me. Not eat me.

Anyway, I knew that the Lord would never make my death by evil darkness completely inevitable and He would always have ultimate power, so I convinced myself that after I turned off the lights I had ten seconds to run, jump in my bed, and completely cocoon myself in blankets before IT could touch me. I'd literally count to ten out loud. And sleep with the blanket over my head. After the ten seconds were up, I'd "command" the evil-ness to go away in the Lord's name. My parents always taught me that the Devil couldn't stay if Christ was present.

No joke.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm STILL a kid. I still have my teddy bears.

Heh, heh.

So . . . where was I going with that . . .

Oh! So I'm on the couch. Meh.