Popcorn

Today, at Zupas, someone told me I had a great smile.

Thank you, random fellow, you made my day!

Can't blog for long, I think I'm going to be coerced into making carmeled popcorn any time now . . . That's a regular occurrence at this house!

Man, I just drank so much water my stomach hurts.

Did you know that excessive thirst is a sign of diabetes? Makes me nervous. Fortunately my family does not have a history of diabetes so I'm probably safe. Just a hypochondriac. I should go get tested to put my mind at ease, but in order to do that I'd have to admit to my hypochondria and I have too much pride for that.

Give it a few more months.

So . . .

I've decided I need to start regularly running again. Sigh. So I've got a goal of four miles before work for this week. Don't worry--I'll build again. But that's an easy target I know I can reach. I do get up every morning to exercise Payden now so I'm hoping it won't be that hard of a transition . . . I just really liked the feeling of being able to out-do anyone with my endurance! Gotta get it back!

I really wish I could go to work an hour later every day. It'd make things so much easier! Oh, well. I love my job anyway.

So . . . We are done!

Have a hysterically fantastic day!

Return

Heavens to freaking betsy.

It's about time I restarted this whole blog-adventure thing. On a very positive note, of course. My last gazillion entries were so dreadfully depressing (we can blame that on David though).

So! What to talk about!

Pretty much my life is back to the normalosity that was was last year, except for my itsy toy poodle (Payden). He is currently teaching me to consistantly wake up at five again and go running. If I fail, he progressively destroys anything and everything I own. On the flip side, if I do manage to drag myself into the cold morning air, he pretty much sleeps the rest of the morning and afternoon until I get back from work and is sooo loving and cuddly at that point.

I exaggerate--he really is a very well behaving, adorable creature. And knows a few tricks. Come over and I'll show you! Plus toy poodles are the cutest things out there as long as you don't shave them. And smartest. And Payden's only 8 months and still has that crazy puppy energy goin' for him.

SO!

Facts and figures for the year . . .

I did have a picnic with a legit picnic basket (courtesy of MATT LAYTON).

I learned that cutting a dog's hair myself is not worth the money saved from not taking him to a pet salon.

$1650 buys a lot of food. Cater with Zupas!!! WOOHOO!

Avocado is still not tasty. Honey mustard I have repented of hating.

Cream-based soups still make me sick and dog food still smells like dog poop.

Also "denta-sticks," which are meant to clean a dog's teeth/mouth, smell even more like feces. What's with that??

Church still makes me sleepy (sorry, can't be perfect!) and reading still makes me hungry. Weird, I know.

So I'm on this weird elimination diet for my allergies. Basically I can't eat anything (we'll leave it at that), which means I never cook anymore. Which means my basement kitchen here is NEVER used. Apparently this is not good.

That space is clean, due to my OCDness and the lack of use, but except for an occasional wipe-down, it doesn't get touched. So yesterday I tried to get a glass of water from that sink and guess what!

A spider web was actually blocked the water from going down the drain!

That is also an exteme exaggeration, but let me continue . . .

It was pretty cool. The web was thick and well enough weaved that it really was slowing the water a bit and I couldn't break the strands by dumping glassfuls on it. Eventually I wiped it away with my hand, and this ginormous spider came sneaking out! I did just wash him down the drain though, and then turn on the disposal.

I'm cruel, I know. If it would have been a beetle . . . (refer to entry entitled "entomology rescue").

Anyway . . . This computer is giving me a headache. I really hate having crappy eyes!

Phooey.

Life . . .

Is life, I suppose.

Although that doesn't help the statement make any more sense.

I need a piano. Or an outdoor track. Or someone named Sue who's close to my age and not in dental school, hence having a free schedule.

What I really need is to learn to be happy with my life the way it is.

Her name doesn't have to be Sue.

Bleck. That's the only word I have for how I have been feeling the past few days.

I just remembered that list of 21 before 21 on here . . . I need to look that up and knock a few of those out. Otherwise I will be a loser come my 21st birthday. Again.

Tomorrow is my birthday. It sucks.

My life kinda sucks right now though so I guess that's to be expected.

Peace.

Almost midnight . . .

I really should not be writing in my blog this late. It's dangerous.

Half an hour ago I was so awfully hot in my apartment and now I have goosebumps. Gosh. My body is exemplifying my apparent fascination for never being satisfied.

I'm beginning to realize that people tend to read a lot more into things I say (or write in the case of this blog) than I intend. Either I'm exceptionally more spiteful or more naive than I think I am. I can't really decide which.

ACTUALLY, I think I just have an odd sense of humor . . . I remember when David first spoke to me he commented on my sarcastic . . . ness. This is how our first facebook conversation went:

David: I got your message.
Me: No way! Really?
David: Ah. Sarcasm. I love it.

That's pretty much word for word.

Anyway. I wasn't angry in my last blog entry, but one of the comments made it seem like I came off that way . . . Let me clarify.

Yes, truthfulness is relative.

I am not feeling remorse. I was attempting to use satire as a way to make readers laugh. I am holding absolutely no anger. I don't think I need to forgive anyone because . . . Um, I was never mad? Or, ah, felt they did anything wrong? I can't forgive nothing. In case you're going to say "yes, you can!" I will respond . . . OKAY! I FORGIVE YOU!

Sure . . . To continue:

The chocolate I wanted had absolutely no relation to all the jazz about truthfulness. I just wanted chocolate. Not as a way to stifle sadness or anger, it was simply a detached thought.

I WISH people wouldn't leave anonymous comments! Because I don't know if it's just the same readers coming back or what! I might start deleting nameless comments!!

Grr.

Naw. that's an empty threat. I like comments too much. Even if they don't make sense and needed to be proofread.

That was a joke.

I'm sure there must be something in the scriptures about saying stuff plainly. But that's beside the point. As my mama said, that's what my dad's culture is like--bluntly honest. Is it right? Ah, not really. Guess it depends on who you ask. is culture a good excuse for ANYTHING? No way, Jose.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Just wanted to reiterate. Some people will understand the joke to which I'm alluding to and laugh. Some people will understand and be vividly offended. Which you are says a lot about what kind of character you've built up!

Some people won't understand. Period. What does that say about you? I won't even touch that.

That was another joke. Don't be offended.

I think some people should stop reading this blog. It tends to make them angry which kills brain cells and makes them stupider. If you keep reading, by the time you're 47 and 1/2 your head will be completely hollow.

JOKE.

I have no hard feelings.

If the person who left that comment is actually some stranger from Indiana, I apologize. Email me your address and I'll send you a gift basket.

No I won't.

Ahem, to continue . . .

As our good friend whose name starts with a "D" always says . . . NOBODY IN THIS GENERATION CARES ABOUT PRIVACY! That's why you have a facebook account. Because you secretly want people up in your grill.

Hey, I use FB too.

My last entry wasn't directed at anyone. It was about the world in general.

I'd protect my family to the death. Gr.

Hey, cool thing! My sister (Catia) is taking fencing lessons. Isn't that totally hardcore?

Maybe that's not the right word . . . but cool, huh?

Um, so anyway, to conclude . . .

Well. I should sleep. Gosh, it's cold! I have this weird thing where none of my body can be hanging off the bed and feel the air . . . I freak out. I have to be all bundled up. When I was a kid, I believed something evil and invisible lurked in my room, but it could only have power over me to EAT ME when the lights were off.

Kidding, just kill me. Not eat me.

Anyway, I knew that the Lord would never make my death by evil darkness completely inevitable and He would always have ultimate power, so I convinced myself that after I turned off the lights I had ten seconds to run, jump in my bed, and completely cocoon myself in blankets before IT could touch me. I'd literally count to ten out loud. And sleep with the blanket over my head. After the ten seconds were up, I'd "command" the evil-ness to go away in the Lord's name. My parents always taught me that the Devil couldn't stay if Christ was present.

No joke.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm STILL a kid. I still have my teddy bears.

Heh, heh.

So . . . where was I going with that . . .

Oh! So I'm on the couch. Meh.

AH@!!$#$%&Y$#!@$#@!!!!!

Someone shoot me!

No, please don't, I actually wouldn't appreciate that one smidgit.

I have nothing to do.

I'm not the kind of person who enjoys down time. Even for a day. Maybe ten minutes is okay.

But really? I like the whole I have two hours to go and be back from the gym, an hour to get ready and eat, be at work fifteen minutes after that, after work have to go grocery shopping . . . etc. I mean, after a busy day watch a movie or something, but alone?? Heck no. KILL ME PLEASE!

I'm so bored.

Yes, yes: me, me, me, I'm, I and all those other self words I tend to use so much. I'm so terribly selfish.

I have learned a very important lesson! Heed well my words, oh thee of . . . pure intent!

Couldn't think of anything cooler.

This is a very important principle! One I think (there's the "I" again! So sorry!) IMPERTINENT for everyone to be aware of!

Here it is . . .

When you hear/read/sniff/catch wind of/assume is inferred the words "BE HONEST," do not for one moment think you understand what they mean! For the phrase "BE HONEST" does in fact NOT mean the spewer of these words wants you to (heaven forbid!) tell the TRUTH (except in very rare cases).

You're a stupid face if you even THOUGHT along those lines! (Don't worry, I'm a stupid face too. Oops--again with the "I'm!" Selfish, selfish Cassi!)

"BE HONEST" actually means "I want to give you a lecture and feel high and mighty about myself. Please grovel, agree with everything I say, and we with both put on false smiles, hiding our feelings for later. This way, years down the road, we will have something to talk/argue about!"

Makes perfect sense for all you SANE people out there.

No.

No.

No.

NO!

Don't ask people for honesty and then be angry when you receive it!

It is my personal, newly acquired belief that there simply some people in the world who enjoy the feelings of anger coming over them in a fight. After all--nothing bonds people together better than a common enemy!

Although I would like to suggest to all my readers out there . . .

When you decide to be angry at someone, first of four little letters: WWJD.

If that doesn't immediately pacify you, you are of the devil!

Kidding.

But seriously, before you decide to go out of your way to make another person's life difficult (yes, gossipping counts as going out of your way), try to put yourself in their shoes. What could they have been thinking when they did the atrocity that so infuriates you? What is their reasoning or motivation? Is there a reason? If the answer is no, then they are either a stupid person or had a stupid moment. Give them a break! If the answer is yes, why not attempt to discover said reasoning and try to relate? Maybe you can end up loving each other.

Also, I believe there are certain instances when, if a person has made you angry, you should simply forgive and forget. Not shelf it for later hashing.

Like . . . someone who's mom just died should be cut a break for egging your house. Or someone who's under a lot of stress from a recent move. Or a lot of other things.

Anyway, rambling! Need chocolate.

I Am So Sad

For once, my title is going to correlate to my entry.

UMKC no longer offers a musical theater degree.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I feel like my whole world kind of just came to a standstill. I was doing so well: I got the apartment all unpacked, spent hours scrubbing every surface in the area . . . I mean, you could lick my toilet and it's probably cleaner than our dishes. I was loving it. I even finished all my thank-you letters.

Now . . . there's all this drama going on and even with that I was peachy and happier than two peas in a pod because I was here . . .

I've been communicating with the school about the musical theater degree and they just emailed me to let me know that as of LAST WEEK they did away with the degree. They have music or theater. It's impossible for me to do musical theater.

It's hard to explain . .

I dance.

But I'm not a dancer.

I sing.

But I'm not a singer.

I act.

And I am definitely one of the best actresses out there. But it doesn't feel right without the other two. MUSICALS are my passion. I don't like regular theater. So I don't know what to do. I suppose I should start looking into other schools and see what my options are, but I'm just so depressed. I don't know if there is another school I can go to. Which means I can either settle for normal theater (which I don't think I can) or not go to school.

I'm going to go call my mom.

Eeps, Ipes, Opes, Oops! One Jumps In And Goes Ker-PLOP!

You are correct. My title is from the game Down By the Banks. Of the Hanky-Panky.

You never had a childhood if you don't know what I'm talking about.

What am I saying? I still love playing that game!

Anyhow, it is almost three in the morning on Tuesday the 31st.

I am pretty much all packed up to move to Missouri! All that is missing is some dirty laundry, a few t-shirts for me to wear these next couple days, and all the make up and products I'll need.

I learned to make eclairs . . . !! Not to took my own horn, but they're one of the most amazing things I've ever eaten in my life. Took some serious self-control to not eat all hundred or so.

Speaking of self-control and food . . . if my calculations are correct, I have gained two and a half pounds in the last week in a half. Which was my goal, but gosh, it's depressing. I know I'm now still only fourteen and a half pounds, which is about where I was at during first semester last year, and I know that during first semester I thought I was oh-so awesomely thin at that weight, but now I just feel fat, fat, FAT!

It's horrible. Sigh.

Plus, I'm having some pretty bad bloating which I know makes me look even worse. On the bright side, I think I'm about to start my period, which is good because that was what I was trying to force into existence with with the whole gaining weight.

Great. Now that I've invited you all to share all the finer, more personal details of my life . . .

I'm so excited to move to Missouri! I'm excited to fill all my blank pictures frames and finally have my OWN apartment. And have a job as a waitress! Hopefully.

I need to become more regular on this blogging thing if I ever expect to get famous and win the Nobel peace blog prize.

So . . . Who wants to hear about Puerto Rico?

I knew you did!

Well too bad!

It'd be too long for a measly blog entry. Maybe I'll publish a book. Sufficeth to say, it did not quite go quite as I had expected. Not exactly my favorite place in the world. But I realize that most of that is because of my weird, eccentric, view on health and eating. A city of hot dog vendors and frying oil where I can't run down the street to Walmart without getting shot or raped or both (in either order) just doesn't do it for me. I am sure going to miss that about Utah when I move next Monday . . .

Which reminds me of a story from my childhood . . .

Once I had this friend named Alyssa. I thought we'd be bffs FOREVER. Then she had to move to California. So my closet-poet-secretly-super-emotional side decided to write her a letter about how much she's changed my life and stuff, but I was too much of a wuss to give it to her because it made me feel like a baby. A few years later, at EFY, we were both forced to share our testimonies (something I find extremely difficult to do, with the whole displaying emotion other than excited happiness) during which I confessed how much it'd pained me for her to leave, and discovered she'd been exactly the same way.

Poo. I love that girl. We don't really talk much, but when you have a good friend you kind of always consider them one of your best friends even if you're so detached you now feel slightly awkward around them. Haha.

Love you Alyssa (if you're reading this)!

Now, I LOVE confrontation, but when I confront someone, I smile and play the whole I'm-above-this-obviously-because-it's-not-phasing-me-one-tinsy-bit role. But I feel angry SO MUCH! And sad and a whole skew of other things. And I feel it a lot. I used to always get mad at people for not knowing when I was upset and rushing to fix things, but now I realize . . . that no one ever knows. For instance, for a few days while we were in Puerto Rico I had . . . some really low self esteem days, just because of the whole not-being-healthy-stress stuff. One night I totally broke down and cried for hours, but no one else knew. No one. So when they were getting on us for not wanting to drive hours to some place to hang out with the family, I wanted to scream LEAVE ME ALONE, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT ALL I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW IS BREAK THE T.V. SCREEN WITH ME HEAD? I NEED TIME TO RECUPERATE AND FIX MYSELF!

But I didn't. And I was mad they didn't know. Did they know I was mad? Of course not. I didn't show any sign. I didn't say anything.

When we finally got back from Puerto Rico I wanted to write everyone an email about how wrong everything was while we were there and what they did wrong. But after letting it cool for a while, I realized . . .

All I had needed to do to fix things and make them better was show a little more emotion and opinions. And if I had a crappy time because I wasn't willing to let people see how I was feeling, well, that's my fault. Not his. They wanted to be all out there and I have a good vacation and I just wasn't quite in sync.

Oh, gosh, this is getting too long.

Peace out, yo, my non-existent readers!

If this totally doesn't make sense, forgive me! Now that I'm finished, it's almost four in the morning!