Almost midnight . . .

I really should not be writing in my blog this late. It's dangerous.

Half an hour ago I was so awfully hot in my apartment and now I have goosebumps. Gosh. My body is exemplifying my apparent fascination for never being satisfied.

I'm beginning to realize that people tend to read a lot more into things I say (or write in the case of this blog) than I intend. Either I'm exceptionally more spiteful or more naive than I think I am. I can't really decide which.

ACTUALLY, I think I just have an odd sense of humor . . . I remember when David first spoke to me he commented on my sarcastic . . . ness. This is how our first facebook conversation went:

David: I got your message.
Me: No way! Really?
David: Ah. Sarcasm. I love it.

That's pretty much word for word.

Anyway. I wasn't angry in my last blog entry, but one of the comments made it seem like I came off that way . . . Let me clarify.

Yes, truthfulness is relative.

I am not feeling remorse. I was attempting to use satire as a way to make readers laugh. I am holding absolutely no anger. I don't think I need to forgive anyone because . . . Um, I was never mad? Or, ah, felt they did anything wrong? I can't forgive nothing. In case you're going to say "yes, you can!" I will respond . . . OKAY! I FORGIVE YOU!

Sure . . . To continue:

The chocolate I wanted had absolutely no relation to all the jazz about truthfulness. I just wanted chocolate. Not as a way to stifle sadness or anger, it was simply a detached thought.

I WISH people wouldn't leave anonymous comments! Because I don't know if it's just the same readers coming back or what! I might start deleting nameless comments!!

Grr.

Naw. that's an empty threat. I like comments too much. Even if they don't make sense and needed to be proofread.

That was a joke.

I'm sure there must be something in the scriptures about saying stuff plainly. But that's beside the point. As my mama said, that's what my dad's culture is like--bluntly honest. Is it right? Ah, not really. Guess it depends on who you ask. is culture a good excuse for ANYTHING? No way, Jose.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Just wanted to reiterate. Some people will understand the joke to which I'm alluding to and laugh. Some people will understand and be vividly offended. Which you are says a lot about what kind of character you've built up!

Some people won't understand. Period. What does that say about you? I won't even touch that.

That was another joke. Don't be offended.

I think some people should stop reading this blog. It tends to make them angry which kills brain cells and makes them stupider. If you keep reading, by the time you're 47 and 1/2 your head will be completely hollow.

JOKE.

I have no hard feelings.

If the person who left that comment is actually some stranger from Indiana, I apologize. Email me your address and I'll send you a gift basket.

No I won't.

Ahem, to continue . . .

As our good friend whose name starts with a "D" always says . . . NOBODY IN THIS GENERATION CARES ABOUT PRIVACY! That's why you have a facebook account. Because you secretly want people up in your grill.

Hey, I use FB too.

My last entry wasn't directed at anyone. It was about the world in general.

I'd protect my family to the death. Gr.

Hey, cool thing! My sister (Catia) is taking fencing lessons. Isn't that totally hardcore?

Maybe that's not the right word . . . but cool, huh?

Um, so anyway, to conclude . . .

Well. I should sleep. Gosh, it's cold! I have this weird thing where none of my body can be hanging off the bed and feel the air . . . I freak out. I have to be all bundled up. When I was a kid, I believed something evil and invisible lurked in my room, but it could only have power over me to EAT ME when the lights were off.

Kidding, just kill me. Not eat me.

Anyway, I knew that the Lord would never make my death by evil darkness completely inevitable and He would always have ultimate power, so I convinced myself that after I turned off the lights I had ten seconds to run, jump in my bed, and completely cocoon myself in blankets before IT could touch me. I'd literally count to ten out loud. And sleep with the blanket over my head. After the ten seconds were up, I'd "command" the evil-ness to go away in the Lord's name. My parents always taught me that the Devil couldn't stay if Christ was present.

No joke.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm STILL a kid. I still have my teddy bears.

Heh, heh.

So . . . where was I going with that . . .

Oh! So I'm on the couch. Meh.

AH@!!$#$%&Y$#!@$#@!!!!!

Someone shoot me!

No, please don't, I actually wouldn't appreciate that one smidgit.

I have nothing to do.

I'm not the kind of person who enjoys down time. Even for a day. Maybe ten minutes is okay.

But really? I like the whole I have two hours to go and be back from the gym, an hour to get ready and eat, be at work fifteen minutes after that, after work have to go grocery shopping . . . etc. I mean, after a busy day watch a movie or something, but alone?? Heck no. KILL ME PLEASE!

I'm so bored.

Yes, yes: me, me, me, I'm, I and all those other self words I tend to use so much. I'm so terribly selfish.

I have learned a very important lesson! Heed well my words, oh thee of . . . pure intent!

Couldn't think of anything cooler.

This is a very important principle! One I think (there's the "I" again! So sorry!) IMPERTINENT for everyone to be aware of!

Here it is . . .

When you hear/read/sniff/catch wind of/assume is inferred the words "BE HONEST," do not for one moment think you understand what they mean! For the phrase "BE HONEST" does in fact NOT mean the spewer of these words wants you to (heaven forbid!) tell the TRUTH (except in very rare cases).

You're a stupid face if you even THOUGHT along those lines! (Don't worry, I'm a stupid face too. Oops--again with the "I'm!" Selfish, selfish Cassi!)

"BE HONEST" actually means "I want to give you a lecture and feel high and mighty about myself. Please grovel, agree with everything I say, and we with both put on false smiles, hiding our feelings for later. This way, years down the road, we will have something to talk/argue about!"

Makes perfect sense for all you SANE people out there.

No.

No.

No.

NO!

Don't ask people for honesty and then be angry when you receive it!

It is my personal, newly acquired belief that there simply some people in the world who enjoy the feelings of anger coming over them in a fight. After all--nothing bonds people together better than a common enemy!

Although I would like to suggest to all my readers out there . . .

When you decide to be angry at someone, first of four little letters: WWJD.

If that doesn't immediately pacify you, you are of the devil!

Kidding.

But seriously, before you decide to go out of your way to make another person's life difficult (yes, gossipping counts as going out of your way), try to put yourself in their shoes. What could they have been thinking when they did the atrocity that so infuriates you? What is their reasoning or motivation? Is there a reason? If the answer is no, then they are either a stupid person or had a stupid moment. Give them a break! If the answer is yes, why not attempt to discover said reasoning and try to relate? Maybe you can end up loving each other.

Also, I believe there are certain instances when, if a person has made you angry, you should simply forgive and forget. Not shelf it for later hashing.

Like . . . someone who's mom just died should be cut a break for egging your house. Or someone who's under a lot of stress from a recent move. Or a lot of other things.

Anyway, rambling! Need chocolate.

I Am So Sad

For once, my title is going to correlate to my entry.

UMKC no longer offers a musical theater degree.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I feel like my whole world kind of just came to a standstill. I was doing so well: I got the apartment all unpacked, spent hours scrubbing every surface in the area . . . I mean, you could lick my toilet and it's probably cleaner than our dishes. I was loving it. I even finished all my thank-you letters.

Now . . . there's all this drama going on and even with that I was peachy and happier than two peas in a pod because I was here . . .

I've been communicating with the school about the musical theater degree and they just emailed me to let me know that as of LAST WEEK they did away with the degree. They have music or theater. It's impossible for me to do musical theater.

It's hard to explain . .

I dance.

But I'm not a dancer.

I sing.

But I'm not a singer.

I act.

And I am definitely one of the best actresses out there. But it doesn't feel right without the other two. MUSICALS are my passion. I don't like regular theater. So I don't know what to do. I suppose I should start looking into other schools and see what my options are, but I'm just so depressed. I don't know if there is another school I can go to. Which means I can either settle for normal theater (which I don't think I can) or not go to school.

I'm going to go call my mom.